Thread:Yoshafire/@comment-34921578-20170119235313/@comment-31186640-20170120014039

I have plenty of time!

First of all, kudos to you for giving him an actual name. I can see a possible but maybe unintentional pun (aka = red) but if intentional, it was done correctly!

I think he might look best with a more original hairstyle rather than the Komaeda one, but it's not really a big deal at all. His design is good. I haven't really seen any Occult hairstyles in red, so that might be interesting! His color palette flows together well and makes sense in the Yandere Simulator universe.

One thing I'd like to point out is the one opaque lense. Unless he has a reason for one to be opaque, I suggest you give him two semi-transpaerent ones.

His backstory is pretty good and somewhat realistic. He lived a nice life, until he was shunned for his sexuality (I presume).

His personality is simple and not very detailed. I suggest you expand on it and add more unique traits, given that the only info is that he used to be energetic but now he's gloomy and depressed. Try asking yourself questions about his personality. Is he friendly or mean-spirited? Courageous or cowardly? Courteous or rude? Stubborn or a pushover? And so on.

His 100 Questions are pretty well-done too! I think the 100 Questions trend here is great because it helps develop your character by, as I said before, asking you questions about them. I think that his questions are done well because they tell you a lot about his character. Even though it's not completed yet, I can tell he's pessimistic but has a bit of hope, as well as being kind of shy!

Remember when creating a character that their personality isn't just supposed to be a concept, like someone who is depressed. A personality is made up of many different opinions, traits, mannerisms, etc. Each one of these would effect the way he reacts to everyday life, which drives the collaborative story in roleplays.

About his task, I can see that he stammered in the dialogue. I have a stuttering problem, and contrary to popular belief, a stutter isn't actually just repeating the first sound or syllable a couple of times at the beginning of words. Rather than "H-h-hello th-there" it could be more like "Hel-uh,hello there". Sometimes in the middle of a sentence I say it again, and I have a tendency to say "uh" a lot.

For a second I would like to talk about the page layout itself. It has a lot of useful information, even a navigation template at the bottom. Not only that, it's formatted very well for the most part, and it's easy to read! Some improvement could be made, like with his Routine. His routine could be a list, with the times in bold.

Speaking of his routine, this is a pretty common mistake, but I doubt that the Science Club bullies would pick a specific time every day to pick on him. Realistically, bullies might pick on him whenever they feel like it.

Overall, I like this character. He has a realistic personality and backstory, an aesthetically pleasing design that makes sense for the most part, a few interesting quirks, hypothetically fun in-game tasks, and he seems like a character I could meet in Yandere Simulator! Congratulations~ I hope I didn't take up too much of your time.