Thread:Rgis/@comment-5790218-20160222015425/@comment-2248043-20160225082925

This is Rgis's review of Yuusha Katsu, who is currently NyanTheCatAnimatronic's OC.

Development
Right now Yuusha is stirct, assertive, arrogant/proud (for thinking she can take care of and punish all the students), and justice-minded. She has a good heart, but some people may not take her help well if they believe Yuusha doesn't have the right to do that. Other than that Yuusha's character is lacking in detail and could be assisted by adding more qualities to her character.

Yuusha's backstory may also require more description. What I got out of it was that Yuusha's parents died, she was raised by her grandfather and grew up with her cousin, and she grew to be a great kendo practitioner. It explains why Yuusha is the way she is now, which is good but other than that it's still in need of more work.

Maybe have some moments where Yuusha's beliefs are challenged and she's forced to rethink her ideals? Or maybe she is more stubborn and doesn't deal with those things often?

Originality/Creativity
Her appearance is something I usually don't see around here, so it kind of sticks out.

Her personality is something I would expect. A person who means well going out of their way to help others and wants to be this knight in shining armor. It could have something special to help her stick out. The background is something I see often with OCs where someone has a tragic past. Luckily, Yuusha's is definitely not too tragic, so it's pretty much fine. Again, a lack of information is typically the problem here.

Her backstory is okay, but it doesn't have anything special going on for it. However, it is not overdone on any tragic details, which I definitely approve of.

Grammar
The article is definitely alright for reading! There's some minor mistakes here and there, but I could almost completely understand what the writer was trying to say.

Some mistakes include:
 * The use of the word "weighter" in the Weight portion of the student infobox.
 * The info in the Weight portion can be changed to "Around Osana Najimi's weight".
 * The use of the word "experient" in the Backstory section.
 * Should be changed to "experienced".
 * The use of unnecessary hyphens, such as words pertaining to martial arts. This includes the following sentences, "She uses a martial-arts-bandanna and uses the default #1 uniform," (Appearance section) and "Tsuruya Katsu (cousin) An unknown martial-arts-master grandfather"
 * Should be changed to "...martial arts bandanna..." and "...unknown martial arts master grandfather" respectively.
 * Some sentences are oddly set up, such as the first sentence of the Backstory section. Some mistakes include the word "November" being uncapitalized and the use of the word "an" before a word that starts with a consonant.
 * The sentence should be changed to "Yuusha was born on November 21st to the young couple Tsuwamono and Nihonto Katsu."

So on and so forth. I honestly did not notice some mistakes when I first read through the article. They are easy to miss so they aren't a big deal, but they should still be ameliorated.

Extra Notes
The structure of some sentences requires attention. Unknown grandfather" so that it isn't as lengthy.
 * The second sentence of the Backstory section can be changed to "Tsuwamono was a real warrior, and fought right up until he died in battle," or something of a similar sort.
 * The Relative(s) section of the infobox can be changed to "Tsuruya Katsu (cousin)
 * The Relationships section could be elaborated on further. For example, writing about why Yuusha is suspicious of Ayano would be more descriptive.

Overall
Yuusha Katsu may be heading down an unfavorable direction, as a WIP OC. When Yuusha is given even more time and hard work put into her character she can really grow into her full potential.

Development: 57

Originality/Creativity: 65

Grammar: 73

Final score: 65