User blog:PISTACHIOLORD/a serious blog

So number 1, this isn't me calling anyone out of leaving it's just getting some stuff out since I know I'll most likely get ignored in the rant channel on the discord.

I don't even know why, but I like legit want to stab myself. And it's bad. I just kinda sorta want to just die and I need someone to talk to. I need someone to pour my heart and soul out to. I've told my best irl friend but i feel like she might get annoyed if I continue saying these things to her. I don't know why but I'm feeling super down lately. Like at this point I feel like everyone just has a distaste towards me and I'm not doing anything to help. I'm trying, I swear to god but I'm not sure. Honestly, I'm nto sure if I'm being angsty or some shit or I'm like legit depressed. I'm just pushing myself away from shit I want to do and school isn't making it any better. I'm procrastinating and I'm not doing the things I need to do until the last minute. They give us pounds of homework everyday and have the strictest rules. I'm learning 2 laugnuages and the 2 launguage teachers are super strict. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't want ot say anything about it either to my family cause holy hell they will flip out and fawn over me to the point where they watch my every move and make sure I'm smiling. What do I fucking do?

They're are also some fuckheads on this wiki, and I'm not naming names, but some are seriously getting on my nerves lately to the point where I just can't handle their presense anymore. Some people are fucking over sensitive and immedietly think that if something doesn't go there way, they flip out and bitch about it. Others just want to pick fights. One person in particular does nothing but annoy me on end to the point where they have given me a fucking severe ass headache.

And lately while talking to some people who fucking would listen to me when I had something important to tell them, I flipped out. Someone left. The others are now doing their own shit. One of them is being all realizing shit. I'm not really in the mood to do anything motivational and I've been procrastinating a ton lately. I'd like to say I'm sorry if I've caused you any harm or anger or if you just full out hate me because I know some of you guys do but I'm really stressed out right now. Honestly I'm left out in a ton of things that I should be a part of. Things I've fucking created. But nope. I don't want any goddamn people coming on discord or whatever to just call me out or say "lol Pistach shut ur mouth all u say is nullshit."

I'm left out and excluded and it feels like my friends are leaving me and this is just putting more pressure on me. I honestly only have one best friend, one fucking true friend, who listens to me and spends time with me and fucking cares for what I say. The others are doing bullshit and when I tried to tell me this all they replied with was "lol pistach it will go away your being a big drama queen." Honestly, I thought some people were better than this.

Don't fucking tell me to "calm down." cause hell no it won't work. I've tried and when I begin to rant about this someone has to say this to me. Do you think it's easy to calm down in this situation? No sir, no it fucking isn't. Don't tell me to "take a break from the wiki" either, the thing is, I've tried and it only makes me more stressed out. I feel like one day I'm gonna come on and find that someone started a rumor or shit about me. I don't want that. I'm too fucking scared.

I'd like to notify you I am childish and I don't want anyone to twist my words. I know some people are gonna end up thinking I'm doing this for attention or some shit but I'm not. Surprisingly, I'm serious. It's a miracle I know. Now we have people thinking their useless for attention. People I thought wouldn't do stupid things over me saying my goddamn opinion. I'm tired as I said earlier. I haven't slept in 2 days though that's my fault. My timezone fucks me up as well. I'm sorry. I can't be childish anymore and play things off like I used to. I used to spam lyrics and everyone would fucking laugh or do it along with me. But now people I knew only fuck me off and say to stop while they have some kind of right to do it.

The thing is when I spam people and shit, I think it's something friends do. And trust me it fucking is. Because I personally know that it is thanks to some nice screenshots from a friendly user who DOESNT FUCKING PISS ME OFF AND TELL ME TO KYS EVERY FUCKING DAY. So I sent someone a healthy dose of ninjago lyrics because it was the ninjago movie's theater release date and their response was "fuck off im blocking you for being annoying." or at least summed up to this. It was back in late September or something. But then, good good mcqueen user sends me a screenshot of them spamming the same user ninjago lyrics and them saying lol. I know I may be making a big deal about this but I honestly just want to get everything off my chest.

Honestly, what do you think about me? Am I a shitty staff member? Am I just shitty all together? I know it's a cheesy question but if someone told me a way to fucking improve it would be nice.

I honestly like and LIKED some people here but my view has changed lately. I'm immature but I'm failing at trying to be mature. My health is fucking fading and my eye sight drops every second. I feel I should be working harder and as I said I won't be joking around as much as I used to. I'm also sick and it's that fucking time of the month again so everything is just making me feel so anxious and my anxiety is just off the charts. I'm shaking and cramps are killing me and I haven't left the bathroom for 2 hours. The thing is I can't fucking stay home or the school will pile MORE homework onto my back.

(copy and pasted from my last angry blog below)

I'm not creative and a ton of things have been pissing me off lately. Including some shit about certain users ocs who get more attention than they ducking should. You see an Oc created by say user GruSenpee and all their ocs are filled with comments and shit just because their friends with all the fucks out there while you can spend an hour or two making a very detailed Oc and just silently smiling as you realize no one will notice them because fucking "popular ocs are too special. If you want an Oc to have comments here's a tip. Make it a funny joke oc. Works mostly EVERYTIME. Me and a user talked about this on discord yesterday. I realized I never had favorite users or so called friends on thsi wiki however some may assume. Don't jump to conclusions please and thank.I want people also to understand if you make a goddamn demotion thread that doesn't mean you hate the person.

All the good users have either left and the staff is honestly shitty since half of them does bullshit. 1/3 of the admins do jackshit and are barely on discord, 1/3 of the mini admins do absolutly nothing and there excuse for all of this is "I'm totally on discord so you cant demote me uwu" That's fucking bullshit what the actual fuck. The content moderators are fucking beatiful geniuses and is currently the only ONE FUCKING PERSON who actually maintains and makes their role look wonderful. Kudos to Copper. Chat Moderator is legit never active anymore and discussion moderators are just eh. I'm not saying I'm a fucking great mini-admin, I know I'm kind of a shitty one. I mean I do do my job along with like one other mini-admin but i can't be on all the time.

People also have to fucking understand that people can change too. I'm not that old, stealing Pistachio Fuck. And I'm tired of people saying that I still am. People change you know. I'm trying my best to change, I'm trying so much that I think I'm adding to the stress. People still hold fucking grudges on things that happened ONE GODDAMN YEAR AGO. Seriously. I know that I shouldn't be salty about this but that demotion thread that was made for me awhile back. MMMMMM was that a shitty move. I honestly consider Duck a mutual pal and still do but what I read on discord was absolutly heart breaking. I fucking cried. And I never fucking cry.

There are some wonderful users on this wiki who I'd like to messege and bless with eternal happiness for no goddamn reason because I want to acknoledge them for DOING THERE JOB AND BEING A GOOD PERSON and also to add some light heartedness to this serious blog post:

'''Copper~Copper is one of the best goddamn staff members and is honestly a great ass friend. Yeah that's it I won't say much about everyone anymore since I'm uncreative.'''

Spooks~Spooks is kewl but if they kill another ocs I'm gonna shove a bathbomb up their ass

Porcy~Porcy is legit the best admin on the wiki hands down

'''Cider/Ciyuu~Cider is pretty cool m8. I've given up on there descriptions sorry.'''

'''Crabs~I miss Crabs. Crabs was legit one of the fucking best staff members on this wiki and he was so kind and accepting and shit. I suck at this fuck'''

'''Rena~I miss Rena as well. Rena was incredibly nice and so many people that I know thought shit about her and it was all for some bullshit that she said that others don't get bullshit for.'''

Dino~Kachow they are cool

Horoshi~Kachow they are also cool

I'd also like to give all my respects and love to Lin Manuel Miranda and Sebastian Stan but you didn't here that from my depressed heart you heard it from me, if you take away the "fuck life."

That's it for now. I'll edit this if I need to yell out some more.