Talk:Fumika Hirayama/@comment-26928286-20180710201951

Because Copper asked for reviews on Discord--

Fumika is a pretty interesting character, and not bad at all. But there are certainly ways in which she could be improved.

Firstly, her appearance section. Her portrait is really cute, but you should really try to describe her appearance, even if it just means writing one paragraph about what she wears, her hairstyle, etc! I can't tell if green headband is in her hair is made of roses or just one of those ruffle-like maid headbands. (I assume it's roses because of the trivia bullet point, though)

Her personality is okay but you could do more with it. If she's selfish and wants everything for herself, why doesn't she think of herself as superior to others? Does she think she's equal, or does she view herself as inferior? If she doesn't think she's superior to others, I'm confused about why she wants everything for herself.

Also the way you worded some things, for example "she can get quite serious about other things" "she is likely to do some things that benefit others" these statements apply to pretty much everyone on the planet. If you stated that she mostly only does things for herself, it's not completely necessary to say that she is likely to do some things that benefit others, since literally everyone does sometimes. And if you want to highlight that she's more of a serious, no-nonsense person, you could word it differently like "She tends to take things very seriously and doesn't tolerate bullshit" or something.

You could also add more positive traits to help flesh her out. You've gone over how she is selfish most of the time, and how she's serious and responsible, but what else? What about her interests, or just other aspects of her personality? And her backstory is pretty short and you could add more to it about her family, important parts of her life, just how she became the person she is today. :D

So yeah that's basically everything, hopefully this review helps you in some way!!