Thread:Igor the Mii/@comment-27977261-20150831225735/@comment-26684445-20150901000636

(man) Peter was a courageous boy, but that dawn he could feel fear stick to his skin like dew on leaves. The fog was thick enough to make him lose his way home. Then he began to hear strange noises coming from the depths of the forest. He noticed a presence, small shadows that seemed to giggle as they followed in his footsteps. - (boy) Who were they, Grandpa? - Cruel, deformed forest dwellers, haughty creatures, spiteful and impudent. They are the vengeful and evil goblins - the little people of the night. What did they want with him? What did Peter do to the goblins? That's the point. Goblins don't need to justify their cruel acts. They are evil creatures. But let me go on, please. OK. I won't interrupt you any more. To make a long story short, Peter started to run and run and run. (grunting and grumbling) Poor Peter remained on the ground unconscious for a long time. Finally, when he opened his eyes, he saw in front of him, just a few inches away from him... A goblin? She was a lovely girl with huge eyes the colour of the sea. She looked at him kindly, her expression full of love. Peter immediately fell in love with her. She caressed him and offered him something to eat and drink. The strange concoction she offered him was delicious. Peter ate and drank without ever taking his eyes off her. He was bewitched by that gaze, and it was that look that deceived him. I bet it was a goblin in disguise. Those evil creatures can transform themselves into flesh and blood people, whenever and however they want. You're making a mistake, Grandpa. You said they can. You should have said they could, or what kind of fairy tale is it? They can. They can. Goblins still exist. Your Grandpa Seth is telling you. And... how did Peter end up? He began to feel ill, very ill. He was sweating chlorophyll green. - (boy) Green? - That's right. The colour of the goblins. The colour of sap. Then she appeared to him as she really was - horrible and mocking. Changed into what? Half man, half plant. The goblins' favourite food. Food? Don't tell me they ate him, Grandpa! That's exactly what happened, with a voracity that has no equal on Earth. What are you doing still up, Josh? Grandpa Seth was telling me a sto... (sighs) Still telling the same story, Josh? I know, Mommy. I told you it would never happen again. But, you see, it's not a dream for me. I see him in front of me and he's so real. He tells me stories, just like before. Grandpa Seth has been gone for over six months now. You were at the funeral. I know it was very difficult for you. It was also very difficult for your father, Holly and me, his daughter. He was an amazing man. Grandpa Seth has remained in all our hearts, but you must banish him from your mind. - Remember what the doctor said? - Of course. Grandpa Seth is just an invention of my subconscious. That's right. - But he's so real... - That's enough. Try to go to sleep. We're going on a vacation tomorrow. A month in the country will do us all good. Good night, dear. - Good night, dear. - Mom? - Yes? - Do goblins exist? No, dear. They don't exist. Now, try to go to sleep. (man) Yeah, John. That's Nilbog, right. Spell it? N-l-L-B-O-G. We'll be gone around a month. Can you take care of that business while we're gone? Yeah? That's great. OK. See ya, John. All right, bye. - Are the kids sleeping? - No. They're more awake than we are. They're probably excited about the trip. Do you know how many people live in Nilbog? - No. How many? - 26, including the Presents. - Isn't that wonderful? - Come on to bed. Just think, we'll be living like our ancestors did. Yeah, we'll be peasants and farmers, just like people did a century ago. - Hey, what's the matter? - I'm worried about Joshua. He's still seeing Grandpa Seth. When I was a kid, I had an imaginary playmate. It wasn't your dead grandfather. It'll end. This trip will make him forget about your father. - Michael? - Yeah? Who are the goblins? The goblins? (laughs) (tapping) (laughter) - Sh! You fell! What a jerk! - He pointed the light right at me! Goblins don't exist. Goblins don't exist. Goblins don't exist. (screeches) Elliot! What kind of idiotic joke is this? You scared the shit out of me. I'm the victim of a nocturnal rapture. I have to release my lowest instincts with a woman. Release your instincts in the bathroom! - Are you trying to turn me into a homo? - It wouldn't be too hard. If my father discovers you here, he'd cut off your little nuts and eat them. He can't stand you! And... And you? I like you. But my family doesn't like you. They say you spend way too much time with your friends. Oh, oh, but I swear I never see them. - How long is this gonna take? - We're sick of waiting. Won't you come to Tonino's, Holly, for some pizza? Hey, these are cute! (all complain) - Do you see? - What's wrong with having friends? Nothing, if you wanna remain a virgin for life. You take them to bed with you, and I don't believe in group sex. Is your family going on vacation tomorrow? - Yes. - I'll come with you? OK, I'll tell my father you're coming with us. - Where are we going? - Nilbog. A wonderful half-empty town. It's an exchange. A family from the country is coming here and we're going to live in their house. Oh, Elliot, it will be wonderful. You and me, in the woods. This time, we'll be able to be together for sure. And my boys? If you bring them, I never wanna see you again. OK. I'm going now and I'll tell them. I'll see you tomorrow morning? - At eight on the dot. - OK. - Elliot? - Yeah. - Alone? - Of course. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Finally! Please don't do this, Holly. We could have waited another 15 minutes. I'm sure he would've come. We left at 9.30, an hour and a half off schedule. - We never saw a sign of your beau. - Elliot's not my beau. He's my boyfriend. He told me last night that he loves me and that he wanted to come with my family. - Evidently he preferred his friends to you. - That's not true. Yes, it is. Listen to reason. Elliot is a good-for-nothing. Stop it, both of you. I have no intention of having my vacation ruined just for this. I never liked that kid. I never did. I'm the one who has to like him, Dad. Me, alone. Stop it, please! Joshua, start singing. Come on. Sing that song I like so much. - I don't feel like singing, Mom. - Just sing. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream Where the hell is Nilbog? It's not even marked on the map. It's gotta be there somewhere. Just look closer, dudes. Here it is, but it's just a speck. - Sure it's full of beautiful girls? - Lots of 'em. Pretty and unattached. Oh, yeah! Whoo! I don't feel good. Stop the car, Dad. I'm sick! You stuffed yourself like a pig, Joshua! I'd really love to see you get sick! You ate too much. Dad, stop the car. Joshua's ready to be eaten! (growling) - No! Don't eat me! - Joshua! Was I dreaming? Who wanted to eat you, little brother? Nobody. We're only a few miles away, Josh. Speaking of eating, do you want some, Joshua? No, thanks. - Stop the car, Daddy. Stop! - What's wrong, Josh? - Do you have to throw up? - Yes. I have to throw up. - What are you doing here, Grandpa? - What are all of you doing here? - You have to make them go back. - Why? You're getting yourselves into big trouble. This is a bad place, little one. It even gives me the creeps. Can't you tell me more, Grandpa? What are you doing, Joshua? So how about it? Are you gonna give me a ride or not? Get in the car, Joshua. Come on! Hurry! Come on! Get in! Holly! Come on! Holly! Quick! - That was them, right? - Yeah, right. She just... - Why didn't Holly stop them? - I don't think this was a good idea. - Shut up! I'm in charge, not her. - Yeah, says you! - There's no one here. - It's normal. It's a farming community. At this time of night everybody goes to sleep. - Where's the farm? - Over there. Now, remember, we're the farmer Waits. We're country people. - Dad? - What, Josh? I don't like this place. Can we go home? - What? - Don't listen to him. - Lead the way, Farmer Waits. - OK. Fresh air! Country air! Hello. - You're late. - I'm sorry. We had a small mishap. - Here are the keys. - Um, here are ours. Enjoy your stay in Nilbog. Enjoy our city, too. You'll enjoy our city. It has some smog and it's a little noisy, but our house has all the major conveniences. It's got a microwave and video. All the other appliances. - Yeah. - A refrigerator, a bar. People of few words. Come on. Let's go in. Joshua? You coming? - Yeah, not bad! - I'm hungry. They've probably left something behind, I'd be willing to bet. Come take a look, everyone! Typical country hospitality. Let's dig in. - (father) I am so hungry. - (mother) Here, have some of this. Here, try this. That looks good... - Grandpa! - Don't let them eat, Joshua. For the love of God, don't let them eat! Aren't you hungry, Joshua? Most of this stuff is green. How weird. Stop them, Joshua. You're the only one that can do it. If they eat, they'll come to the same end as Peter in the story. But how can I stop them? OK, you have 30 seconds to come up with some way to stop them. I must do it! I must do it! I must do it! No, Daddy! Please! Don't hit him, Michael. Please don't hit him! Why not? It's what he deserves - a big spanking for a little shit. Joshua is not a little shit. He's just very sensitive. This smells! Do you see this writing? Do you know what it means? Hospitality, and you can't piss on hospitality. - I won't allow it! - What are you going to do, Daddy? Tighten my belt so I don't feel hunger pains. Your sister and mother will do likewise. OK, Joshua. You want to get rough? You wanna show that you don't like this house by going on hunger strike? I'll accept the challenge, but when I was your age I really did suffer from hunger. We'll see who gets through this, but I've got more practice. I'll see you tomorrow. (explosions on television) I'm sick of this. Where are the unattached horny girls, Elliot? Don't be a pain in the neck, Arnold. We just got here. I'm going outside for a breath of fresh air. Hey, Arnold. If you find any twins, don't be greedy. Hey! Hey! Hey! Ma'am? Please stop. Stop, I say. Hey! Please stop! Excuse me, ma'am! Stop! Stop, stop, I say! - Who are you? - Who are you? - Are you one of the monsters? - I've been called a lot of things. - But not a monster. - You're human? Very human. You wanna see? - Are you sick? - They made me eat that stuff. - I think I'm dying. - They who? - Who are you talking about? - There they are! (growling) - Uh, what are they? - Monsters! - What do you want from me? - Uh... Wait here. Wait here. I'll take care of 'em. (throaty growls) Let me give you some advice, you dwarfs. Get out of here or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. (growls intensify) - What do we have to do? - And remember... (ferocious growling) Did you guys hear that yell? It was probably just Arnold deflowering a Nilbog virgin. No, that wasn't the scream of a woman. That was Arnold. Well, then, it was probably a girl from Nilbog deflowering Arnold. Probably! (cries out) Let's get out of here! Quick! Let's hide in this house. What kind of a place is this? This is my house! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Creedence Leonor Gielgud, of ancient druid origins. My ancestors came from Stonehenge. Am I mistaken or is there something wrong with the two of you? We... We need a doctor, ma'am. Please call the nearest hospital. There is no hospital in Nilbog. We are used to curing ourselves. Here we are. This broth is miraculous. It contains sap from the forest. It is a concentration of all the vegetal properties of the earth. Drink of it. Children! My poor children! (cries out) (splutters) What's wrong? What's wrong with her? Don't worry about her. Drink your broth. (moaning) - I can't move! Why? - You talk too much for me. What's happening? Why can't I move? There must be a logical reason. Shut up! She's... She's changing! She is purifying herself. Now she is one with the vegetable world. - (screams) - Now she is food for my children. Oh! Make yourselves comfortable! Dinner is ready. They're eating her. And then they're going to eat me! (voracious gobbling) Oh, my God! I don't like this place, not one bit. (dance music plays) (music stops) Dear Elliot Cooper. Tomorrow morning will be your final judgment. Either me or your boys. Take it or leave it. The beautiful Holly Waits or your lovely little boys. Make a choice, Elliot! Joshua! Joshua! Mom! Dad! Mom! Mom! What is it? What's the matter? - What's wrong? - I saw him. - Who? Who did you see? - Grandpa Seth. See? It wasn't me this time! It was a reflection in the mirror. It was him. Grandpa Seth was calling out to Joshua. I'm tired of this. Come with me, all of you. So where's that damn mirror? It's right... It's right there. Look, there's no one other than us. But he was there before. It's gotta be your imagination or a hallucination. - Are you still smoking dope, Holly? - I swore I wouldn't, Dad. I want to get up early in the morning. We're still farmers, right? I am not sleeping in this room. - Didn't you hear what your father said? - I'm not sleeping here. I'll sleep here. - You would really do that for me? - Sure. Why not? I'm not afraid. - Good night, son. - Good night, Josh. Thank you. Good night, Josh. Now, go to sleep! Grandpa! Grandpa Seth! Are you here? - What happened? - You were in the wrong room! Holly was sleeping there. I still have to learn the layout of this house. I'm glad to see you, Grandpa. Did you see? I managed to keep them from eating. Now, you have to convince them to leave here. This is an evil place. It is the kingdom of the goblins. But why don't you tell my mommy and daddy these things? They don't listen to me. Your mother has never taken my advice. That's why she married that good-for-nothing. (crackling) The powers of evil are very strong here. I must leave. But I'll be back, Joshua. I'll be back. Grandpa? Only you can do something. Only you. Damn! There's no milk. There's no coffee. There's nothing. - Didn't anyone remember to get supplies? - We left in too much of a hurry, Drew. - Go into town. Do the shopping now. - With what? I don't have any money. - Just take it out of the group fund. - OK. Is breakfast ready, dear? There's nothing in the whole house. No eggs, no bacon. There's just a lot of milk, but it's all like this. It must be a week old. Good morning, Mom. Good morning, Dad. - (Holly) What's for breakfast? - Nothing. What? I'm hungry enough to eat a horse. I've been fasting for two days. Josh and I will run into town to the general store. Right, Josh? - OK. - We won't be gone long. - Hello, son. - Hi. Are you in training? - No. Just goin' shopping. - Hop in. You'll save your breath. OK. Thanks. - I'm Sheriff Gene Freak. - Oh, nice to meet you, Sheriff. Are you just passing through Nilbog? I'm on vacation with some friends. We parked our camper on the road. - Are you hungry? - Well, a little bit. Yeah. (eerie music drowns out voices) - Thanks. It's good. - I'm sure you'll all enjoy Nilbog. We're hospitable people, especially to strangers. Here's the general store. Oh, where do the girls around here go at night? Ha-ha! The girls! That's good! (laughs raucously) - Can I help you? - Coffee. There's no coffee here in Nilbog. It's the Devil's drink! Eggs. - Eugh! - Bacon. Are you crazy, boy? We're vegetarians here in Nilbog. Didn't you know that? Here's some Nilbog milk. Special milk, high in vitamin content. - Here, it's free. - Free? Of course it's free. We love tourists here in Nilbog. Try some, boy. And have some of your friends drink some also. Thank you. D'you feel all right? Yeah. - Hey, you. - Yeah? - Your friend has a message for you. - Who? Arnold? Yeah. He said to meet him in the house that looks like an old church. OK. You can go through the woods. It's only about a mile away. Good morning, my little flower. Oh! No need to worry about the closed mouth. You didn't have anything to say anyway. Right? With this you will become strong and beautiful. Now, I am going to welcome our new neighbours. I have just prepared this pudding with wild nettles and a few organic additives to make it delicious and purify the intestines. See you later, my little flower. We have to wait and be patient. Grandpa! Grandpa Seth! Are you there? Nilbog! It's "goblin" spelt backwards! This is their kingdom. Good morning. I am your neighbour. - I am Creedence Leonor Gielgud. - Good morning. Mom, I'm going for a walk. - Hello, beautiful! - Hi. She is very - appetising. - Appetising? Provocative. I thought you might enjoy one of my ancient recipes. It's a traditional dish in these parts. You shouldn't have gone to so much trouble. No trouble. Really. The lowest instincts are spreading in a horrifying way. All men, especially men from the cities, are letting themselves succumb to the vices of meat... The flesh. The decaying part of the body. It is so material and repulsive. Repulsive! They're still here! Symbol of original sin, which has consumed and caused the fall of the human race which is so dear to us. Flesh! And by flesh I mean all that stinking, disgusting meat. - (everyone) Eugh. - Hamburgers! - Eugh! - Steaks, the steak sausages! And hot dogs, sold by the side of the road. The stink of smoked carcasses. Eugh! (groaning) The humans nourish themselves with these, violating their own bodies, infecting themselves, creating uncurable ailments. - Smelly bladders. - Eugh! Nests of infection. - Clusters of haemorrhoids! - Eugh! Vicious, stinking excrement! Vicious, stinking... Argh! Elliot? Elliot! Holly. What a surprise. Choose, Elliot. Either me or your friends. I don't understand. D'you understand now? Is it ready? Here it is. Nice and creamy. This is a wonderful cup of Nilbog ice cream for a little child. You're going to stuff yourself with it, aren't you? Kids with a sweet tooth like yours love ice cream. Help, Grandpa Seth! Help! (everyone) Mm. Open your mouth, my little friend. Please, open it. (Joshua) I won't! I don't want to! (everyone) Mm! Open your mouth, my little friend. Please, open it! Mmmm! No, I won't! I don't want to! Joshua! Stop! What are you doing to my son? - We were giving him some ice cream. - Daddy, they're goblins! - Monstrous beings! - What? They were giving me ice cream so they could eat me later. An active imagination. A bit morbid, isn't he? Look! They all have a mole the shape of a clover leaf! And Nilbog is "goblin" spelt backwards. I'm telling you, Daddy. They're monsters. Mr and Mrs Presents, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be at my house. We had car trouble. We'll be leaving this evening. OK. It was nice meeting... meeting all of you. My son and I must be leaving now. We need time for some things to happen. We must have patience until tonight. - Christ! - What? Your sister Holly's with that playboy son of the Coopers. - They're my friends! - Who do you think you are? - Don't ever hit me again. - Stop it! Oh, no! - So, kids, how's life? - Listen, Mr Waits... I don't speak to people who arrive late and upset their girlfriends. - You've given me a bad impression. - Come on, Dad. - We'll talk, Holly. OK? - We need to have a serious talk. Forget about your friends and come to our house, or forget about Holly. - All right. I'm coming. - Elliot! - You're gonna leave me here alone? - Yes. - What do I tell Drew and Arnold? - Whatever you want. - What am I gonna do? - Take the camper. Do what you want. What about the beautiful liberated girls? Is anyone here? Shit! I'm so dizzy. (muffled cries) (muffled) Drew! Drew, look at me! Drew! - Arnold? - (muffled cries) Is that you? - Arnold, what's happened? - (muffled cries) - (unintelligible) - What? - Get me outta here, Drew. Get me out. - OK. OK, don't fret. Hurry, before that crazy lady gets back. Grab the pot and drag me out quick! I'll try. (strains) Hurry. Hurry! - What's wrong? Why did you stop? - I don't feel so good. You've gotta do it, man. Grab hold and pull with all your strength. - We can get out of this nightmare. - Hello! Oh, no. You were thinking of leaving us, little flower? No! Please, ma'am. You will be punished for this! (motor starts) No! Please, ma'am. I beg you. What are you gonna do to me with that? I'm going to make a nice milkshake for your friend. But this won't hurt you. You'll just feel a little tickle, little flower. (chuckles) (country music) What's going on here? (hum of conversation) (jolly country music) (people sing along) Oh, Michael! Look what a surprise they have prepared for us! Finally! I am so hungry. - What are you doing here, Elliot? - Elliot's part of the family now. Oh, Elliot! What a pleasure to see you again, Mr Waits. We wanted to make up for the misunderstanding we had. Look! All the people of Nilbog have decided to give you a party. - We even have a little food. - A little?! They've prepared a whole feast! Dance, my children! Dance and eat! - Eat! - No! Don't eat this stuff! They're monsters! They're all monsters! If you eat this stuff, they'll kill us. They're goblins. Joshua! I've had enough. I want you to go to your room immediately. Children's fantasies. They will pass. Of course. Grandpa! Grandpa Seth! Grandpa! Grandpa! Grandpa Seth! Answer me! Grandpa Seth! Come quick! Grandpa Seth! (growls) Help, Grandpa Seth! Help! (squeals) (piercing scream) Grandpa! We must move quickly to put out the fire. What fire? Guess. (wails) That is enough! (country music continues) We'll go around the house. When the time comes, light the wick and throw the bottle. I'll create some confusion with this. Hurry! Let's put some fuel on the fire. Cut it out, kid. You'll never be able to stop us. And as for you, old man, go back to your kingdom of shadows. I order you, for the sacred power of the magic stone and its lord, go back to hell! (Joshua) Grandpa! Hang on! Grandpa! Grandpa! Joshua, you'll have to do it yourself! Are you really in hell? No. But I know a sacred spell a friend who was there taught me. - What happened? - (screams) - Grandpa! - (cries out) Jesus! (coughing) Oh, my God! What is this? He was one of us and you killed him! Now it's your turn! Joshua! Quick, get in the house! Oh, Lord of the magic rock of Stonehenge! Come and protect your children! Come and give us strength! (wind howls) Give me all my old powers, oh, Lord of the magic rock! There's sandwiches for tonight in here. It will go easier if you eat 'em. You'll make our work easier. Otherwise, we'll be forced to kill you violently! It would be a shame! The blood would mix with the meat. We'd have to put them in vinegar for the whole night. Dear God! What can we do? We don't even have enough weapons to defend ourselves. - Do something, Elliot! Please! - I don't know what to do. - We need Grandpa Seth here! - Joshua, Grandpa Seth is dead. I know he's dead, but up till now he's been the one helping us. But how do we get him to come? By holding a seance, maybe? You're a genius, big sister! (music on television) (static) Oh! What the hell is wrong with this thing? (raunchy music) Do you like it? Shall we eat it together? What kind of show is this? I'm not a programme. I'm real. Come out, and you'll see. (music continues outside) - Won't you invite me in? - Uh, yeah. Yeah, uh, of course. Do you like it? (music stops) What's the matter? Aren't you hungry? Uh... Actually I like popcorn. Oh, well, no problem. All we have to do is heat it up. Nothing's happening. Raise your hands. Concentrate harder! Grandpa Seth, come to us. Let's show 'em we're still here! Don't get distracted! Concentrate harder. Grandpa Seth, please come. I don't like this. Why don't they show any sign of life? Grandpa, please come and help us. (wind howls) (Seth) Joshua! Joshua! D-Dad! - That's not possible! - I knew you wouldn't leave us, Grandpa. - That's the voice of your grandpa? - Yes. We have only ten minutes. When that clock starts striking six, I'll disappear. And now it is forever. Together, we can destroy the magic stone that gives the goblins their power. Concentrate, Joshua. Concentrate! Yes, Grandpa. Joshua? Joshua? Joshua! (growls) Quick! Upstairs! (roaring and growling) Michael! Grandpa! Grandpa Seth, are you here? (creaking) Elliot! Help! (squeals) Go away, monster! (growls) Quick! Run! Grandpa, where have you been? Take this. Keep it. You can only take out the contents when you really need it. - Do you understand? - I understand. And now? Here it is - the Stonehenge magic stone. The goblins' magic power. What do we have to do, Grandpa? Touch it. Only touch it. Will it work? I hope so. (throaty growl) Please, let's talk. We're all humans here. No more! No more popcorn. (piercing scream) Our queen is calling us. Joshua is alone right now. Let's go. Grandpa! Nothing's happening. Something has happened now, Joshua. - (clock strikes) - I'm leaving. Oh, no, Grandpa. Not now. Joshua, I have to do this once again. Remember, it's only the power of goodness that can defeat the goblins. Goodbye forever. Goodbye, Grandpa. Goodbye. Argh! What were you going to do, little one? (evil laugh) Get off! And now, we are going to feed you, Joshua. You've been fasting two days. You're hungry, right? A double-decker baloney sandwich! (gasps) Don't do it! Think about the fat in your blood! Think about the cholesterol. Think about the toxins! Oh! No! No! Joshua! Grandpa Seth's voice brought us here. Quick, help me. Put your hands on the stone and concentrate. - What? - Don't you see? Only the power of goodness can destroy these monsters. - Put your hands on the stone. - (ferocious growling) Concentrate! Concentrate more! Concentrate! Ingrate! (screaming stops) - I have to pass by the office. - I need to go home for a while. - I'll come with you. - Joshua and I will wait for you at home. Want some fruit, Joshua? The fruit is still very good. I don't want to eat for the next 20 years. Mm. It's delicious! - I'm going to my room to take a nap. - Good idea. I think I'll take a shower first. (sighs) I don't know how to thank you, Grandpa. I hope you're OK up there. (whispering) Joshua. Joshua. (eerie whisperings) (shower running) Mom? Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! They're eating my mom! Do you want some, Joshua?