Personas/Chariot Dude's Fanon

Uuuh so here's where I'm gonna talk about the personas. All of them. Even the bad ones.

Megami Ibunroku Persona
Okay, so, this was the first Persona, and it was a spinoff of some series called "shin megami tensei" or some shit, idk. Tbh it wasn't a very good game.

in megami ibunroku persona, you play as "boy with earring," the least cool looking persona protagonist ever. But, don't worry about him - the only character that matters in this game is MAKI SONOMURA, who ATLUS seems to cream their pants over, considering how important she is to this game.

Honestly, i dont really know much about this game. Its aesthetic is nice though.

The best part about this is the American localization. Whoops, did I say best? I meant worst. For some reason, ATLUS USA decided that Japan was too foreign for americans to relate to, so they removed any and all mentions of Japan. They changed the currency from yen to dollars, but they didn't change the value of anything, so you'd buy a soda for $300 or something. The economy of that world must be fucked up. They also changed all the character's appearances and names, and made one of the characters black.

in 2009, they remade it for the psp. in the american release, they fixed all their mistakes and made everyone japanese again, but at the cost of giving them all american nicknames to prevent confusion. sorry guys, that's kinda hard to fix.

the remake also kinda sucked because of the music. the music wasn't bad at all - in fact, i listen to it quite often. but, the music in the remake was some weird jpop shit, while the music in the original really establishes a dark and ominous setting.

Overall, on a scale of scrungy to honky, I'd give this game a solid churgle.

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Persona 2: Innocent Sin
Persona 2: Innocent Sin is the first game in the persona 2 dualogy. thats right - persona 2 got 2 games, because it was that cool.

In persona 2, you play as tatsuya suou, but you can change his name if you want. honestly, who would, though? So, you're tatsuya suou, and you can be gay if you want. yeah, you could be gay in this game. in fact, im pretty sure the gay romance is considered canon. also, theres a girl named Maya Amano. keep her in mind - she's super important.

in persona 2, you meet Literally God. you do in persona 1 as well, but he's a lot cooler in persona 2, because he's getting comfortable showing a little tiny bit more of his face.

the persona 2 dualogy had a really weird localization pattern, but it wasnt as bad as persona 1. it was just straight up never released for the playstation in 1999. north america didnt get persona 2 innocent sin until 2011, when they got a psp remake, which was ultimately better in every way. Stick around though - it gets more confusing for the second one.

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Persona 2: Eternal Punishment
remember that girl, Maya Amano? you play as her in this one. You can't change her name though. She's always maya. She's also the only canon female persona protagonist. she's also the oldest. and she's precious. She's very friendly. i love her a lot.

in this one, as well as having tatsuya be a party member, you also have his older brother, katsuya. yeah. katsuya and tatsuya. their parents must be dicks.

I don't have a lot to say about persona 2 other than play it.

oh yeah, the localization. so, where P2IS never came out on playstation in north america, P2EP never came out on the PSP in north america. So, we got the second persona 2 game in america like a decade before we got the first one. Then we never got to see the polished up version with the talking cat.

poor europe. they don't get eternal punishment.

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Persona 3
Ah, finally. Persona 3. The best game. Well, Persona 3 itself isn't the best one. Persona 3 Portable is. But, I'll get to that later.

In persona 3, you play as some edgy emo kid named minato arisato. or maybe he was named makoto yuki. or, was it sakuya shiomi? no, it was memento morisato. whatever you want to call emo jesus, you can.

so you play as that guy, and your parents are dead, because a cutie robot girl killed them. you're totally dead inside, and then you move into a dorm. about 1/13th of death attacks some girl, then you pick up a gun and shoot yourself in the head and a greek guy or two comes outta your head and murders death. nice.

persona 3 is about death and accepting it and shit, hence the "being rewarded for shooting yourself in the head" mechanic.

it also stars the two best fictional characters ever, Shinjiro Aragaki and Aigis. I'm sorry, they are the best. That is a fact. You cannot change that.

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Persona 3 FES
if you were to ask my brother, he'd say that this was the best version of persona 3. well hes motherfucking wrong, he is. I'd agree with him, but im not going to, because persona 3 portable is better.

persona 3 fes is literally the same game as persona 3, but better and cooler. now, you can be creepy and voyeuristic, and watch your friends do stuff through the cameras that shuji i-cunt-suki hid in their room. you can also save junpei's big tiddy goth gf from the sweet embrace of death, but she gets amnesia, so i don't know if thats necessarily better.

also you could dress your friends up in embarrassing outfits, like maid dresses and butler outfits.

the best part about FES, however, is the playable epilogue known as "The Answer" (the main game being renamed to "The Journey"). in the answer, you get to learn what actually happened to gothboy after the game, because they weren't really clear on that. he died.

so, instead of gothboy, you play as Best Girl Aigis, and instead of going up to fight shadows, you go down. Also, Best Boy Shinjiro is fucking dead. He died a lot earlier. more on that later. In lieu of shinji, you instead get Black-haired Aigis, Aigis's sister that totally exists for realsies and isnt a shadow or anything. promise.

The epilogue is pretty cool, and it's the main reason why people think FES is better than portable, which doesnt have the epilogue. But they're wrong, they sure are.

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Persona 4
before we get to the best version of persona 3, lets look at persona 4: a goodish game that could never escape the shadow of the greatness of persona 3.

persona 4 wasnt bad per se, it just wasn't as good as persona 3. everyone's opinion is different, however. if you're wondering whether you'd like p3 or p4 better, refer to the chart below:

ATLUS also treated persona 4 like a cash cow and used it to inspire several spin-offs. That's not a terrible thing in my opinion. I just think they thought it was better than it was.

I just didn't really like persona 4 that much. It still had an enjoyable plot and (mostly) enjoyable characters.

if yosuke is your husbando then please leave.

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Persona 3 Portable
Finally, some good fucking persona. Persona 3 portable is the best version of persona 3, and if you disagree, you are wrong. in persona 3 portable, you dont have to play as emo jesus - you can instead play as an all-new female protagonist! what was her name again? Minako? Hamuko? Kotone Shiomi? Miyuki AkemI? oh, that's right, she's not canon, so atlus doesn't give a shit.

The female route is at least 92% better than the male route, because you get to hang out with the boys in the dorm, as well as the girls. in the original p3, you couldnt hang out with the boys in the dorm because that would be gay. you can also date the boys in the dorm, which is pretty great, considering one of those boys is Shinjiro Aragaki, the best fictional character ever. The only reason the female route is only 92% better rather than 100% is because one of the boys you can date is like 10, and that's not okay.

You also get the option of having either a female velvet room attendant (Elizabeth - the original one) or a male one (Theodore - Elizabeth's younger brother, specifically made for the female route). Elizabeth is better though. Theo is pretty nice though. What sucks is he's somehow canon while the female protag is not.

also the female protag can date 2 girls - Aigis and Elizabeth. So if you were gonna be like "can I be gay" the answer is yes. You can. And it's great.

Remember Shinjiro Aragaki? Of course you do, he's the best. If you romance him, you get to fuck him, and then he doesn't die. he just goes into a coma for like 6 months, and wakes up about 2 minutes before you die. this game is fun.

You can also control your team members in p3p. could you do that in fes? nah.

The only problem is you don't get the epilogue which kinda sucks. Also, the gameplay is more like a visual novel than anything else, 'cause of the software limitations and all.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.